Normally I’d only do a 25 word review for any new film but this is a slightly bigger issue than just a simple movie review and thus I’m just going to keep typing til I get tired…
I should start by taking my heart and firmly pinning it on my sleeve. I grew up as a comic book geek. From the time I was in my early teens they were my fixation and at one time I owned over 3,000 Marvel, DC and various other US comics, all in a big cupboard in my bedroom. I stil have some today but it’s been a very long time since I’ve read any of them.
I did start to try and get back into it again a while back, unsuccessfully. I wrote about it here:
However that doesn’t stop me from still feeling a little jump when I hear a new superhero movie is being made. Christ knows why. Over the years there have been far more feck ups than magnum opuses (I’ll talk about that in a minute), but it hasn’t stopped me from going again and again and again to see how each incarnation turns out and judge each on their merits.
There are the truly great. Tim Burton’s first two Batmans and Chris Nolan’s one too, the first two Christopher Reeve Supermans (even the third has a place in my heart), the first two Sam Raimi Spider-mans (to my shame I still haven’t seen the third), even Iron Man is almost in this bracket, even the more unusual takes like M Night Shyamalan’s Unbreakable.
There are the pretty decent… Bryan Singer’s X-Men movies and Superman Returns, Supergirl (it had its charm!)
And then there are, of course, the shite beyond belief. Fantastic Four. Both of them. Joel Schumaker’s two attempts at burying Batman, that feckin Daredevil movie (apart from Colin Farrell’s “more peanuts?” line) and now, I fear, The Incredible Hulk.
I wanted this to work.
Ed Norton, love him.
Liv Tyler, well, what’s not to like?
Tim Roth. Rocks at all times.
And, let’s face it, it had to be better than the bloody Ang Lee Hulk. The one with no action in it.
I seem to have run out of steam now actually.
Nope! second wind!
Jaysus but the plot is winding, flabby and pointless, there would have been more meat in one of the original episdes of the TV series, and then it all tootles downhill to a conclusion you’ve seen a hundred times before. In fact there’s almost nothing original here you haven’t seen dozens of times in Summer blockbuster big budget action movie thingys already….
The cast are wasted, there’s almost zero sexual tension between the leads, the dialogue is crappy and average (if you think I’m being harsh just compare it with Iron Man or Batman Begins). Granted there are a couple of laughs and a few fanboy things thrown in to keep us happy but it’s just not good enough.
And that’s where my greater point is (and Amanda and I talked about this one after). I’m sick and tired of seeing two CGI things beat the living shite out of each other for a while and for it to be seen to be the satisfying conclusion to something I’ve invested two hours of my life in.
Oi!!! Hulk movie!!! No!!!
Now I’m tired, but looky mammy – a whole post with no pictures or videos!!! See? I can do what the other boys and girls do!